Supporting a friend or family member who's lost someone they love can be challenging. Some people find death and grief hard to talk about, and many of us shy away from the topic for fear of causing further distress or hurt. Sometimes, seeing someone we care about in pain can bring up difficult thoughts and feelings, making it harder to figure out how to help.
Knowing what to say and do when a loved one is grieving helps you approach challenging conversations with confidence and provide the care they need. Let's explore thoughtful, effective ways to support someone you love during grief.
After their loved one dies, your friend or family member may find it difficult to reach out for support. Letting them know you're there for them can make it easier for them to talk about their feelings or ask for help when they're ready.
Some people find lots of visitors and phone calls comforting when they're grieving, while others prefer to choose when and where to talk to others. If you're unsure or worried about how to make contact, consider sending a sympathy card, short email or text message to tell them you're thinking of them and ask whether they'd like you to visit or call them.
Everyone grieves differently, and some people may want to talk in detail about their loved one's death. On the other hand, many people aren't ready to discuss their loss for a while after it happens. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's important to let the person decide when and if they're ready to share.
If your loved one wants to talk about their grief, the best thing you can do is be a listening ear. Talking about the person who died and the feelings and thoughts your loved one is experiencing can help them process their loss. Interrupting or changing the topic of conversation may make them feel invalidated, so try to give them the time and space to talk as much as they need.
During your conversations, you may find the person repeats themselves. For example, they may tell you the same information about their loved one's death on multiple occasions. Repetition during the grieving process is relatively common and can help the person come to terms with certain aspects of their grief.
Drawing attention to them repeating themselves could be upsetting. Instead, acknowledge what they're saying and allow them to talk about their experiences without judgment.
Knowing what someone is thinking or feeling while they're grieving is impossible, even if you've experienced loss yourself. For some people, phrases like "They made it to a good age" or "At least they're not suffering anymore" can cause distress because they may sound invalidating.
If you're worried about what to say, sharing happy memories about the person who has died can be comforting. For example, you could share a story about time you spent together or recall something the person did that was particularly funny or kind.
Right after someone dies, their friends and family members often receive many offers of help and support. Over time, this support can dwindle, leaving loved ones feeling isolated. Some people say they received plenty of support before the funeral but felt nobody was there to help them in the longer term.
For most people, grief begins to ease within 6 to 12 months, but it doesn't operate on a time line. Being there to provide ongoing support can help your loved one cope as they adapt to the changes in their lives.
You can be a reliable supporter for someone who's grieving by:
For most people, grief doesn't ever truly go away. However, having reliable friends who are ready to support them for as long as it takes can prevent loneliness and help them develop healthy strategies for processing grief.
Supporting someone who's grieving can take a toll on your own physical and mental well-being. You can't pour from an empty cup, so taking care of your wellness is essential. Eating a healthy diet, getting some gentle exercise and taking time for calming, enjoyable activities can help you stay healthy while caring for someone you love.
Don't be afraid to ask for help if you're struggling with difficult thoughts and emotions. Consider talking to someone you trust, such as a faith leader, family member or therapist. Bereavement charities can also provide expert support and advice to grieving people and their loved ones.
