Senior Living News

What Is Forgiveness?

The definition of forgiveness can be different for each person. However, it typically means you decide to release the resentment that you harbor when someone hurts you in some way. You're choosing to set aside those emotions and change how you view the situation. It's intentional and voluntary.

Why Forgiveness Is Important for Seniors of Faith

Extending forgiveness to someone offers you many benefits, both in your faith journey and in general. Here are some reasons seniors of faith should work toward forgiveness.

1. Following God's Word

Many verses in the Bible discuss forgiveness. God's word tells you that you should forgive others when they wrong you. Living out his word can help you deepen your relationship with God. When you forgive, you're also modeling your life after him, which can help you feel closer to God.

2. Your Need for Forgiveness

Eventually, you'll find yourself in a situation where you need someone to forgive you. Your friends and loved ones might be more willing to do that if they see you as a forgiving, compassionate person. You're also setting an example for others around you to continue the wave of forgiveness.

3. Freedom From Negative Emotions

Holding onto resentment keeps you trapped by the negative feelings you have. It's difficult to move forward with your life when you're stuck in the past. By offering forgiveness, you're freeing yourself from the situation. This allows you to live a more positive life — one where you can focus your energy on sharing God's love and making an impact in your community.

4. God's Forgiveness

God forgave us, even with all we've done wrong, and he charges us to forgive others in the same way. Whether or not the other person feels remorse for what they did, you can feel confident that they'll be forgiven by God.

Why Forgiveness Can Be Challenging

While God's word calls you to be forgiving, it's not always easy to do so, especially if you feel deeply hurt by someone you care about. You might find the act of forgiving someone difficult for many reasons, including:

• Forgiving vs. forgetting: Some people feel they have to completely forget what the other person did to forgive them. Forgiveness doesn't mean you wipe the slate clean and go back to how things were before, though. It simply means you don't hold it against the person.
• Power: You might feel like you're rewarding the other person or giving them power in the situation when you show forgiveness. However, it gives you the power to react to the situation with compassion, and it rewards you by being able to move on.
• Condoning behavior: Another belief is that forgiving means you condone what the person did. You can forgive someone even if what they did wasn't okay.
• Forgiveness or reconciliation: You don't have to let the person you forgive back into your life. Reconciliation means you're working with the other person and restoring your relationship. You can forgive someone without them being involved. You're simply letting go of the resentment when you forgive.

Tips for Finding Forgiveness

You can easily say you forgive someone, but truly forgiving them is often more difficult and can take time. These tips can help you extend forgiveness to someone you feel has done something wrong.

• Recall the event: Sometimes you hold onto the feelings but don't let yourself fully process what happened. Start by thinking back on the events, including what happened before, during and after.
• Gain perspective: Think a little more about the situation — this time from a neutral position. Your reactions to certain situations are often based on your past experiences. Trying to take that perspective out of it could help you look at the situation differently.
• Show empathy: Now, put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Do they have a reason for acting the way they did? Perhaps they had a difficult upbringing that plays into how they handle situations. That doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it might help soften your heart and make it easier to feel forgiveness.
• Reflect on your relationship: Remembering how important the person is to you can help you find a way to forgive them. Think about what you might miss out on if you hold a grudge instead of forgiving the person. Recalling the happy times together can also help. Forgiveness can help you maintain healthy relationships.  
• Don't expect an apology: Forgiveness isn't conditional on how the other person reacts. When you decide to forgive someone, you shouldn't expect them to apologize or be remorseful for their actions. Forgive them anyway to help yourself find peace.

Forgiveness often isn't easy, and it might take time. Practice being a more forgiving person whenever you can to make it easier.