Involving Grandchildren in a Hospice Journey: Making the Decision and Tips

Hospice and end-of-life care are something many people don’t talk about, in part because the topic seems frightening or sad. But these journeys are part of the overall journey of life, and avoiding discussions or hiding the situation from children can actually make things more difficult for everyone involved.

Learn more about whether you should include young children in a grandparent’s hospice journey and how to do so below.

Should You Include Young Children in a Grandparent’s End-of-Life Experience?

Whether you include your children in a grandparent’s end-of-life experience — and to what extent — is a personal choice. You should definitely consider factors unique to your situation, such as family dynamics, the emotional and mental maturity of the children in question and their personal relationship with the loved one involved.

Parents, grandparents and others may want to shield children — especially younger children — from the concept and sorrow of death. This desire to protect the young people in your life is natural, but you should always consider whether hiding the facts from them protects them in the long run.

When families are not honest about what is happening with younger children, those children can be confused. They may not understand why their grandparent or other loved one is no longer around or why the family seems distracted, busy or sad. If children have a close personal relationship with their grandparent and aren’t afforded the opportunity to spend time with them during a hospice journey, they may look back on these choices with bitterness when they get older. They may feel they were robbed of a chance to comfort or love their grandparent or just to spend a bit more time with them.

Tips for Talking to Children About a Loved One’s Hospice Journey

If you do decide to involve children in the hospice journey of an older adult, it can be daunting to get started with the conversation. Here are a few tips for approaching the topic with kids.

• Begin the conversation as early as possible. As soon as you’re aware that a loved one is seriously ill, broach the topic with kids in a way that’s appropriate for each child’s age and personality. Putting off these talks can lead to the child being surprised later by a worsening situation or even a death.  
• Approach the topic with candor appropriate for the child’s age. Don’t use silly phrases or euphemisms that are more likely to confuse children than help them understand the situation. Be as honest and forthright as possible while also holding compassion for a child’s feelings and knowing what they’re able to understand at their age.
• Keep details as simple as possible. As an adult with a loved one in a hospice situation, you may deal with a lot of information. Your children probably don’t need to hear or process all those details. Keep things simple where possible.
• Provide appropriate times for kids to ask unfettered questions. It’s natural for kids to be confused, angry, sad or frustrated when a loved one is in hospice. Make sure to provide a safe, private space and time when they’re free to express themselves and ask questions.
• Provide some guidance on how kids can be involved. Set some boundaries and guidelines to help kids understand how they can be involved with or communicate with their loved ones. The guidance you provide depends on the situation, but providing instructions can help kids move past anxiety so they can demonstrate love to their grandparent.

How Can Children Spend Time With a Grandparent in Hospice?

How children spend time with a grandparent or another loved one in hospice depends on a variety of factors, including the age of the children, the overall family and friend support system, whether the hospice care is taking place at home or in a community and what medical issues the person is dealing with. However, some common options include:

• Sitting with and talking with the person. Many times, individuals in hospice are able to have and even enjoy visitors to some degree.
• Playing games, such as cards, with the person. If a grandparent previously enjoyed playing cards or other games with grandchildren, a hospice situation doesn’t necessarily change that.
• Simply being with the person. In cases where the person in hospice is aware of visitors but unable to interact with them to a great degree, children might simply sit and watch a movie or television show with their grandparent.

Of course, you should always discuss the wishes of the person in hospice before you make any of the plans above. Find out if they want visitors, who they’d like to visit and whether they’re comfortable with grandchildren or other young relatives being part of the hospice journey.